10 things

Ok, this is from the phone, so bare with me (11 would be too much):

1. I feel guilty for a lot of the 20-year old stuff I did. I know, young and nuts, but I still run into people and hope the won't stab me. Sweet!

2. I, too, am painfully shy, something most would find ludacrous. It's true. I'm the guy you went to highschool with who puts his head down when he sees you at the mall. Painful!

3. I have mixed feelings about the whole "Love" concept. When I was young, which I am no longer, I obviously believed love should burn nova hot. Later, I found myself describing the "in for the long haul" mantra. 8 years later the mix is baffling to me. I think the job and travel interfere with my investigation here. Hmmm.

4. I'm a huge family guy. That's all that matters to me really. When I get dropped 6 feet under I know they'll be there. Morbid, but true.

5. I love comic books. Totally serious about this. I could spend a week in any Barnes and Nobles rolling around in comics like a drunk lottery winner. Seriously, it's a problem. Funny thing though; I don't buy them. That's why trips to the book store for me are equatable to how a crack head would feel if Everest suddenly morphed into Cocaine-Bliss.

6. I ask impertinent things in impertinent ways. Keeps things lively. I have no boundaries. I don't believe in them...in certain company. Screw all you old highscool people.

7. Did I mention I didn't like highschool much? I was pretty popular too, but didn't care for it much. All my best memories are from college. As a matter of fact, I wish I was there now, enjoying some sort of life furlough that no one knew about. You know how people personalize things and get their feelings hurt. Not about you folks!

8. Everything is about you folks. I have been reading a lot of my old stuff (really poor) and I realize how self absorbed I was with my introspection. I didn't know that my interaction with all of you was as important as how I felt about it. I focus on that interaction now as I have ultimately burned up all the self-absorbing introspection allotted me this lifetime before I was 24. Talk about wasting resources! I'm 36 and I don't even think about Corvettes!

9. I am extremely sensative. As a matter of fact, other than the front side apendage I believe I am a woman. Oh, no boobs, dammit! I like mushy movies, intense emotional dramas, hell, I don't even need Hallmark commercials because those incontinent commercials have me tearring up. I want for people. I feel for people. It's weird and nobody believed it, but I do. I have a tear right now. Melancholy was it?

10. I'm searching. I've always been like that. Self absorbed early, defing myself through you later (the all inclusive you), and now wondering what it is that I should be doing that best utilizes what I can do. Should I have been a therapist or college professor? How much should I be writing right now. What's my style (it's been a really long time)? There difined roles I acknowledge and embrace; father, husband, employee/employer, etc. What of the rest? My writing doesn't always fir in those areas. Not sure it should. Not sure it shouldn't. Searching.

Wow! Feel like that could go on for awhile but I have work to do and my thumb is numb from the tiny little keybord taps on my I-Phone (I'd use the laptop but apparently that's against policy). Ow, just got a sharp pain or cramp on my forearm.

Toodles